Children, fold a fiver neatly;
Pull your socks up one by one;
Always wash your necks discreetly;
Never handle Daddy's gun.

Try to shop at Marks and Spencer;
Drink a daily dose of milk;
Case by case, recite your mensa;
Do not stain your Mummy's silk.

Opera can be improving;
Shop the boy who bunks off school;
Find your Shakespeare very moving;
Be a workman - know your tool.

Eat your greens and wolf your custard;
Always lift the bathroom seat;
Save the queen and cut the mustard;
Never dance on athlete's feet.

Half-expect a crooked member;
Gorge at any greasy spoon;
Taxes rise in mid-November;
Blue's the colour of the moon.

Vomit on the airy-fairy;
Send Jamaicans home by plane;
Bearded men are often hairy;
Travel on a private train.

Crack the cane upon the anus;
Council houses make a mint;
Worship at the shrine of Janus;
Wealthy men are never skint.

Ban the bolshie baby boomer;
Get the vicar round for tea;
Welfare is a selfish rumour;
Don't be vague, and Vote For Me.


From Tony Blair reminds me of a budgie


The government launched its Back To Basics campaign.