Ben Burglar

Ben Burglar was a petty crook:
Great theft? He wouldn't risk it.
He nicked the ginger nuts from fetes,
Which really took the biscuit.

A small post office was a steal,
And here he was the champ,
For when he stole their envelopes,
He always left his stamp.

He also robbed a bakery,
Yet bread he would not take,
But stole a slice of Battenberg,
Which was a piece of cake.

From Send-Up

after Thomas Hood