Billy Bennett rewrites T.S.Eliot's Ash Wednesday (part II)

'Neath a juniper there's sat three dalmatian kind of cats
Feeling cool because they've left my guts for garters -
They've scoffed livers, legs and ticker and they've ate my brain (don't snicker),
And who's to say that wasn't just for starters?

Then God, who cuts the mustard, said "Look here, these bones is busted,
But that doesn't mean they're dead as dodo birds."
So my skeleton (a goner) piped up "Hallow The Madonna!"
And blew kisses to the desert and some gourds.

Now a Lady in a shift, if you get my bit of drift,
Was the inspiration of this bony bunch;
Bits for which a cat won't whistle, like the nerve-end and the gristle
Seemed to sit up in the sand-dunes after lunch.

"If you want to say a prayer, leave the Lady over there,"
Said His Holiness, "and tip the wind a wink,"
So the bones got up a tune like a grasshopper in June
And what they chirped was really rinky-dink.

They sang all about a Rose which was lovely in repose
Even though it was as knackered as a surgeon;
They sang Love Is Really Rum and Each Time You Speak, You're Dumb,
But they also blessed the Garden's Holy Virgin.

'Neath a juniper there's bones singing "Leave us on our own,
For it's peaceful in Sahara when you're scattered;
Here's a little lump of land, and you're welcome to the sand,
But we're singing psalms like nothing really mattered!"

From Send-Up