The Red Card

I ate all my children for starters
I pawned both my parents for pence
I traded my guts for new garters
I was slack in attack and defence
I curdled the milk in the ministry dairies
And stole all the teeth from some innocent fairies

I supped with illustrious devils
I gambled, I drank and I whored
I discovered all Hell's extra levels
My life was a permanent fraud
I blamed all the maimed and dysfunctional men
And yet I've returned as Glenn Hoddle again

[January 1999]

From Labour Pangs

The Red Card

Sinners were reincarnated as the disabled, according to England football Glenn Hoddle