Fill my tank with nandrolone:
My van is anabolic.
How it pumps around my sumps!
I am a gasaholic.

Hands off, that's my steroid wheel.
My veins are thick and viscid:
Cut your prices, I'm in crisis!
Now fill me, I'm a whizzkid.

Come race, my carburettor heart,
And never mind what's wasted.
I cannot cope without the dope
Till victory is tasted.

I'm running out of patience, mate.
My fierce foot's on the pedal.
No odium: the podium
Awaits my oily medal.


[September 2000]

From Make Mine a Double


Some British athletes faced dope test allegations. Some British drivers wanted cheaper petrol.