I am a furry old donkey
With ill-fitting ears, it appears;
They tell me I bray in the wrong key
And move little children to tears.

I'm having my buck teeth adjusted
And new-fangled mush in my pail;
To prove that I'm cutting the mustard
They'll soon be replacing my tail.

I hope that the new one's not tickly,
That the hair has a critical mass;
I hope that they pin it on quickly
Or I'll look like a silly old ass.

Jacob was smoother than Esau.
He knew the right way to behave.
My heehaw squeaks like a new seesaw,
And I've one polished hoof in the grave.


[March 2000]

From Make Mine a Double

The oldest donkey in Britain has died, aged 59. Frank Dobson allegedly refused Millbank instructions to remove his beard.